Memoirs of a Cheeseburger











{February 8, 2011}   Bulimia is a b*tch.

It is really, really hard to kick the puke habit.  When I overeat (even if it’s healthy things), or have a cookie or two, or think about how my dinner will impact my weigh-in…

If it wasn’t so easy for me to throw up I don’t think it would be so hard to kick this habit.  When I was 15 and first starting on my path, I tried to be bulimic.  It didn’t work.  I don’t know how I got so proficient at throwing up, but I can do it at the drop of a hat.  Just tense my stomach muscles, do something weird with my stomach muscles, and there you go.  It’s a strange talent.

After my pregnancy, I vowed to never throw up voluntarily again.  I did really well for 8 months.  Then I went to see a counselor about postpartum depression and she told me I wasn’t depressed, I was just fat and I needed to exercise and get more sunlight.   I wish I was kidding.  And then she reported me to CPS.  And that was the end of my recovery period.

I’m doing better.  I’m throwing up once a day, maybe 4 times a week, instead of after every time I eat all the time.  I’m working on cutting that number down, but it’s a process.  A slow process, but I’ll take it.  My goal is to be completely done with bulimia by the time I turn 25 – that’s November 6th.  If I keep chipping away at it I can do it.

This week I am planning on joining a gym.  I’ll let you know how that goes.

My current weight is 270.2.  I can smell the 60s from here and they smell like celery!

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Jen says:

Rome wasn’t built in a day (and all those relevant platitudes) and you didn’t jump into bulimia overnight. You’ve already cut back on how much you vomit and I know you’ll cut back more.

That’s great news that you’ve joined the gym. Presumably, they offer childcare, so you’ll be able to go and not worry about what to do with the boy.



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